It's been 11 months since my last post, and I can hardly believe it. Where did the time go? I feel like I just woke up from a nap I took in February and suddenly it’s December and I’m behind on my Christmas shopping. So much has happened in the last year, and my life looks completely different now, in every way.
I quit writing for a while because honestly, life. Haha, it just happens and as badly as I wanted to blog I just didn’t make it a priority and wasn’t able to find the free time that I needed to be able to sit down and write. And I also just got in this weird head-space about writing the way that I do. I had begun to worry that rather than sounding vulnerable and writing my heart out, people would read my posts and interpret them as whiny and totally irrelevant. And so I stopped, but for now I’m back and because I enjoy writing so much, I am going to do my best to try and post a little more frequently.
Let’s see where to start, last January. Well I was still in Florida, living a tan sunny life, but terribly lonely and discontented. I had to stop my flight training because I could no longer afford it, I was having a difficult time still trying to build some solid friendships and still hadn’t found a church. February came and the floor fell out of my job, I was still employed but there wasn’t any work to do, and I started to gain weight. March was quiet, but by April I was up 25lbs and had decided to accept a job as a costume designer for a show to help fill my free time. In May my sister left to move back to Indiana, and then I was really on my own. June and July I don’t really remember much of because my life became complete chaos between job offers, interviews and the show I was doing and apartment hunting. Frankly it was a nightmare, and I spent several nights crying myself to sleep. Then it was August and I had packed my entire life into a 15’ U-Haul, and driven 1,100+ miles across the country to start over again with a new job, in a new place.
And now we are here. A lot has happened even since August, but I’ll write about that later. For now I will tell you that my life looks completely different then I ever thought it would. I have a darling apartment on the East Side of town, which is where I spend most of my time these days. Working overnights and on the weekends dominates the majority of the time that I do have, making it difficult to establish any kind of social life and build relationships with friends. I am struggling to find a church, as I have never really had to make it a priority because it has always been simple and easy for the most part, now it is taking even more energy than ever before, to make the effort to go to a service after working all night, and trying to be present and absorb the message, and still trying to be pleasant to the people sitting around me, and hoping to be able to build some kind of a community there.
Because of my job I have flight benefits, and so it is very easy for me to travel basically anywhere for mere dollars and cents, and so I have done my best to take advantage of that, because I know I won’t have that opportunity forever.
But all in all I am doing ok. In many ways I’ve grown up quite a bit in the course of the last year, and in many other ways, I am still such a child, and kick myself for still making stupid decisions. It has been difficult to make any long term plans just because my life is rather unstable at this stage, but I’ve just been taking each day as it comes, and learning to breathe through them. To all of my readers, thanks for being patient with me and for taking the time to read through what I have to say. I know there aren't a lot of people who keep up with these, but I know that those who do truly care about my well-being like to be up to date on what is going on in my life, and I am forever grateful to you, thank you. There is a little more to say but I’ll save it for later. All my love ~ Jon
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