Is anyone else struggling with being Merry this Christmas season? And I don’t mean that you feel like a Scrooge and just hate Christmas, what I’m referring to is just the lack of holiday spirit. I know I certainly have struggled with it this year. And I’ve done everything I normally do, I’ve got most of my gift shopping done, I’ve put up my trees, I’ve played my favorite Christmas music, I’ve gone to programs and light displays. And still, even with all of that, I find myself feeling like it’s going to be just another day, like there isn’t anything special about it.
Now of course I know that isn’t true, as a Christian, Christmas is a very special holiday when it comes to celebrating my faith, and I don’t mean to ignore that or diminish it in any way. It’s all the rest of it that just seems…dull I guess.
I was doing some reading and researching for answers as to why it doesn’t feel like Christmas, and there aren’t a whole lot of answers or discussions that I could find. Some people say it’s just part of growing up, others say it’s because of the commercialization of it all, and how things that used to only be available during the month of December you can now obtain on-demand, or by two-day delivery. One article I read was quite interesting, talking about the study of nostalgia and how it can distort how we remember things. Nostalgia is sort of a bitter-sweet emotion, in that it is wonderful to remember things that have happened and that we’ve enjoyed, but painful in the sense that those moments are gone, and we will never have them back. But in that space we tend to filter out all of the bad, or mundane things that were happening and hyperfocus on the happy things that happened, which is where the distortion is caused. And so it is important to recognize the selective nature of our memories, and to not get to upset or sad when comparing them to present circumstances.
And I think that’s what has happened with me. I’ve grown up a lot even in the last three years, having to be completely dependent on myself, pay my bills, figure out who I am, build new relationships, get rid of some old ones, deal with loss, with life….it’s been tough. And honestly there has been a lot of instability and uncertainty that has been really uncomfortable to have to live with, work through, and surrender. But I’ve done it, and will continue to in years to come.
But the magic kind of dies the older you get. Santa isn’t real, it doesn’t snow on Christmas, some people like me have to work and have nothing but an empty house to come home to. There’s no gifts from a special someone, and the gifts your family wants are all practical things without any kind of real sentimental value. The electric bill goes up while credit scores go down, and it is very easy to get wrapped up (pardon the pun) in the stress and busyness of everything.
I’ve had to be really really intentional about being joyful and cheerful this year. There’s so much stuff going on that I’m just exhausted all the time and really don’t have much energy to be out and doing all the Christmas things. And since I’m single with no children I’m not really in a place to create magic and make dreams come true for my spouse or kids, I’m just here. I could always donate my time to charity perhaps, but there’s something about that that even feels shallow to me. I don’t want to help someone else so I’ll feel better and Christmassy inside, I want to do it just out of the goodness of my own heart.
But maybe this year I need to take a different approach to what Christmas is, and what it feels like. Maybe it’s just taking extra time to rest, and take a nice hot bath. Maybe it’s just simply calling a friend I haven’t talked to in awhile and letting them know that I love them, and I want to know what’s going on in their life. After all it’s all about giving right? But maybe it’s not about gifts and sentimental value. Maybe the best thing about Christmas as a grown-up is just being with the people you love, or showing some extra love to yourself.
Which is really how we should be living all the time. If you take away the fancy ribbon and the lights. Put away the Christmas dishes and that Carpenter Christmas album. I can make it Christmas every day by giving something that doesn’t cost any money. Showing people I love them, and choosing to spend time with them is what I want to focus on this year and moving forward.
So if for some reason it just doesn’t feel like Christmas this year to you either, like it’s not how you remembered it with child-like wonder or feel special because of traditions you’ve dropped along the way. Just know you aren’t the only one this year, and I think more than ever we need each other. So give the gift of love this year, and you just may find it does feel like Christmas in your heart after all. All my love ~ Jon
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