It’s been a minute. I honestly can’t keep up with writing regularly. I thought I would be better at it. But I chalk it up to my ADHD and having multiple unfinished projects. I do something for a while until I get bored with it, and something else catches my eye and I jump to that. Eventually I circle back to everything, it just takes some time.
It is already February and time is moving fast. I can’t keep up. There’s so much I want to do this year. I am just trying not to have too high of an expectation, because the likelihood of me accomplishing everything that I would like to by the end of the year, is rather slim.
2022 has gotten off to a rocky start for me. But then again, when have things ever really felt steady. I was finally able to get away for a few days last month to get some headspace, and finally process, and breathe. It was desperately needed. Things are starting to even out for me again. But it’s mostly because I have learned how to adjust to my surroundings rather than my circumstances change.
But let’s get down to the heart of things, shall we?
I just wanna say that if you ever left the place that you grew up in to start life in a totally different place. Then you are literally one of the coolest and strongest people. I had no idea how much I was leaving behind when I moved away from the group of people I had built relationships with over the course of 20+ years.
Most people stay close to home. And why wouldn’t you! As an adult outside of a social group like church, school, or your job, it is very difficult to cultivate and build relationships. I just didn’t realize how difficult it really was.
As an adult we all begin to figure out who we are and what we want. Discovering ourselves and starting to put down roots. And when you begin to put down roots somewhere, generally you like to be in a place that feels safe, and like home. Sure that looks different for everyone, but I think specifically for other single people like me, home is a support group of people that we have adopted as family because we no longer live close to the family that we used to have.
It is difficult to build strong relationships because most people have become established in what they need and want, and are sufficient where they are. Contrast that with someone who is in a new strange place starting from scratch trying to build something with people, who really don’t have much to offer, because they don’t really need you. They have established a life without you. In fact, to let you in, and to include you as a part of their lives would mean changing things to accommodate you, which can be uncomfortable and take some time because it takes longer to trust each other as adults then it does when we were just kids.
So to anyone else who is living in a strange new place, and feeling a lack of connection, or that sense of “family”, just know that I see you, and we are in this together.
The bad news is that I have no clue how to fix or change that. It is just one of the sucky parts about growing up that no one told us about. But I know that community is something that we all need. Everyone wants to be heard or seen on some level for who they are. No one likes to just do life completely on their own 100% of the time.
I have done my best to enjoy being single. And for the most part I do. I enjoy my freedom and my space. I spend money on myself, and go out for dates to do things I enjoy. Just because I can, and it makes me feel good. But nothing can quite replace sharing a cup of coffee with a trusted friend or mentor and just talking about life. And it is just difficult to find.
So for me personally, I have just been trying to stay busy. Work takes up a decent amount of my time, and when I am home I have my hobbies and musical interests to help occupy my time. My current situation has made it very difficult to become closely involved with a church, and so I haven’t been able to lean into that as much as I would like to. However, I have decided to try and spend some time volunteering with a local organization to help fill some time.
I thought that it would also just help to give me a purpose, and make me feel useful to the good of others. Being generous and giving back has never felt bad or wasteful to me. It has always been beneficial to my heart and mind.
And so that is where I am at right now. Occasionally I am able to sit and talk with a trusted friend or two. Or have an engaging phone call, which helps to make up a little bit of the lack of community that I have in my life right now. I am doing my best to fill my time, and to give back where I can. Still taking time to travel and experience to the fullest extent that I can right now. But I can assure you that it isn’t exactly easy. It takes a lot of time and effort, and at times it can be really exhausting. In those moments I try to just take a day or two to recuperate. Have a good cry, call a best friend and get it out of my system. But then I always do my best to get back up and keep on moving.
Life is tough, at every stage. But we are all in this together, and I really just hope that soon we can all find a place feels like home.
All my love
Jon
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