Have you ever fell in love? Because it happens to me all the time, with people, places, ideas, and dreams. As a hopeless romantic, my mind often tends to run off with me, and before I know it, I’ve created a beautiful story that spans the tests of time, all because the lady scanning my groceries called me “babe”. Why am I like this? (insert Jon laughing at himself)
I will say that I do love being a hopeless romantic. There are things about life a lot of people tend to overlook and take for granted, that I always try to be intentional about discovering and realizing the magic that lives in every day, and celebrating the joy of life. I have so much to be thankful for, and do my best to try and recognize my blessings, because it helps to keep things in perspective. HOWEVER….there are some things in my life that I create, absolutely out of thin air that one might call, complete nonsense and totally irrational. Which is why I talk to people so openly about my feelings, because I need a healthy dose of unromantic reality every once in a while.
But today I am writing, trying to remind myself not to run away with an experience or an idea, and trying to remember that some things are just special for the moments that they are shared in, and then are preserved in memory.
Recently, I fell in love…again. And this time it was with the idea of being with someone who totally understood who I was, and accepted all of my flaws. Deciding just to love me for me, and nothing else. Life would be tough but at least we would have each other. I fell in love with the idea of being physically close to someone every morning, and feeling a kind of bond with them that is unexplainable and of unmeasurable depth.
I fell in love with the idea of being with a group of people who know the whole story, and didn’t flinch at the scars. And I fell in love with the thought of never feeling alone, ever again. But then this morning I woke up. Sure I’m still in love with the person, with the idea that formed in my head, but that doesn’t change the fact that things are totally and unromantically not that way.
It doesn’t really help that I surround myself with people who, when looking through MY rose colored glasses, seem to be living the way that I want to. My Instagram feed is full of people and things I wish I had, but that are just beyond my reach, and feel completely unattainable. And so I sit alone, writing a public journal entry on the internet hoping that some kind of a connection may be found there, and that someone would understand and empathize.
I don’t want pity, I want to be understood, and ultimately…loved.
So where is the switch? What prayer do I have to pray, how long do I need to fast before God decides to make a dream come true? So many days, I wake up asking God why…why me, why this, why, why, why? And sure, learning to have faith and trust in Him is something that I will always be learning how to do, and accepting life with where I am and what is going on, isn’t easy but I’ve learned to surrender my desires every morning. Understanding that God, in His infinite wisdom has a plan better than my own, and that accepting that is the best thing I can do.
I know that I am right where I am supposed to be, even though it looks nothing like I would have imagined it to be. And honestly most days are good days, and I have so much to be grateful for. But there are times, when my mind is easily triggered, and that’s when I start the journey down the rabbit hole. Today is one of those days.
Does anybody else dream of their own fairytales? If so what to do to keep a balance, and in what ways have things come true? I’m curious to hear your own stories, and hopefully gain some knowledge as to how to deal with my own daydreams. There is so much in life that can give us joy, and I don’t want to waste time always thinking about how things could be different. Anyways that’s all for now! Thanks for reading.
Love, Jon
Comments